Email: (from Nana to out-of-state family and friends):

We got home from the hospital this afternoon.  Papa is doing very well.  You would never know he has a problem if you didn’t talk to him.  He feels fine and functions normally except for his speech and not understanding a lot of what people say to him.  He can read and understand the written word.  His mind is sharp, he just can’t express himself clearly.  Surgery is scheduled for later this week.  In the meantime, Papa is just enjoying being home from the hospital!  We have a lot of great support here and appreciate the prayers and support of all of you too.  Thank you so much.

Love, Papa & Nana

 

My Reflections:

J, the boys, and I visit Papa before lunch.  J brings the “big” boys into Papa’s room while I wait in the lobby with Little M.  Then we switch.  We don’t want Little M to catch any hospital germs; he’s too little.  We don’t stay long, the boys are hungry and rammy, but I’m glad they have the chance to see Papa and I know he’s glad to see them as well.  Papa is still very jovial and I can tell the boys don’t quite know what to make of him with his loud, excessive talking (much of which they can’t understand), his exaggerated hand gestures, the hospital setting, etc.  It’s a lot to take in.

How quickly things have changed for them.  For us.  For Papa.

Less than a week ago, the day before this all began, Papa & Nana had picked up J Jr. & C Bear for a “Kids’ Day” at the local bowling alley.  Unlimited bowling, pizza, drinks, and water ice…. the boys were in their glory, loving every minute of it.  And in his usual fashion, Papa took pictures we’d later find to help preserve the memories:

 

(At the end of summer, I’d ask the boys what their favorite part of this summer was, and they’d say it was this day; the day of bowling with Papa & Nana.  This day & its fun memories would outrank countless hours of swimming in the pool with friends, day camps, several vacations to the beach, and even a trip to a big amusement park.  And I’ll be glad memories of better days with Papa remain strong, even in the midst of all the change.)

After our visit today, J has arranged for care for the boys so the two of us can get some time away, even if just for a few hours.  He takes me shopping at the mall – the last place he’d normally choose to go.  But he’s sweet, and wants to do something special for me, and have me pick out some new clothes (and who am I to argue with that?).

But as nice as the gesture is, I find it hard to be in a mood for clothes shopping….

Papa has brain cancer.

And obviously not as traumatic, but bothersome all the same at a time like this, I’m still carrying around extra weight that hasn’t “slipped right off” post-delivery.  As I browse through racks at the first store we enter, a well-meaning saleswoman finds it helpful to point out their new line of “slimming dresses.”

Seriously?!… Lady do you know how hard this is?  No, I do not want to be directed to the “look slimmer than you actually are” section of your store!

Of course I don’t say that.  I just nod and mumble a “thank you” and then go No Where Near those “slimming dresses,” instead choosing some items to try on from apparently their not-so-flattering line.  At least that’s how they appear on me in my reflection in the dressing room mirror.  Feeling quite miserable (poor J, he’s a trooper), we head out of the store empty-handed.  So much for clothes shopping boosting my spirits.

The next store we enter proves to be more promising, though.  I find some pieces I like and J points out a dress and cardigan he encourages me to try on.  It’s not something I would have picked out for myself, and it’s not on sale.  Paying full price seems crazy, but I oblige and try it on anyway.  And I actually really like it.  It’s stylish & flattering, knee-length, with a pattern of intersecting black hash lines over a white background; and the black cardigan compliments it well.  For a brief second, it crosses my mind that it would be appropriate at a funeral, and I wonder if I might soon be wearing it for Papa’s…. but I push the thought out of my head and refuse to dwell on it or acknowledge it.  We purchase the dress & cardigan and a few other pieces and head out for dinner and a hike.

I’m grateful for our time away – just the two of us.  It’s good to have some time to process and talk things through.

And just to be together.

Definitely feeling recharged when it’s time to pick up the boys and jump into “reality” once more.