Email: (my response to an email from an overseas missionary friend)

Thanks so much.  Would appreciate your prayers!  Hard to know exactly what to ask prayer for.  For the moment, I’d say for my dad’s strength and speech to improve.  The cancer and his prognosis aren’t good, but it would sure help the time we do have with my dad if he could speak and understand what we’re saying more clearly (we can usually get the gist of what we’re trying to say to each other, but it’s still difficult).  He’s been pretty weak as well, able to get around somewhat, but more like you’d expect from a 90 year old.  Really hard to see him like this!  People have mentioned the importance of sharing special time together as a family during this time – cherishing the time we have together, which all seems like wonderful advice, except the reality of it isn’t that “Hallmarky” and warm and fuzzy, but a whole lot more mundane, and at times awkward, as my dad and the rest of us adjust to his current state of mind and circumstance.  There are good moments, but sometimes he doesn’t seem “all there,” sometimes he needs help getting to the bathroom, sometimes he has to be reminded to wipe his face after eating or chew smaller bites so he doesn’t have trouble swallowing…..  A lot of his manhood has been taken away along with his faculties…. I know it could be a lot worse, it’s just hard.  My dad is still here, but a lot of what makes him “Dad” is already gone, if that makes sense.

So you can also pray for joy for me.  Sounds crazy because nothing about this situation seems “joyful,” but at the same time I don’t want to live this next year, or however long, just sad and discouraged and generally ticked off with the situation.  “Rejoice in the Lord always” – I want to be able to do that, however that might look, in the midst of all this.  Weeping when I need to (cause I think I’ve got to do that as well to cope with this in a healthy way), but also being able to see God’s faithfulness and goodness in this too, and be ok in Him even though I’m not ok with all this cancer and illness crap.

Thanks for your prayers and concern.  I’ve appreciated getting your update emails even though I’ve been horrible about responding or checking in.  I know it’s not easy doing what you’re doing, but I know you’re stepping out with an obedient heart and that God is honoring that in your life.  Keep on pressing on!

Love,

Kari