Blog Post: (from blog started at the time of Papa’s illness)

Stepping into the Unknown

Tomorrow Papa is being discharged.

After brain surgery, a week and a half in the hospital, and a 4 week stay in the rehab facility, he is finally cleared to return home.

He was to begin radiation and chemotherapy treatments tomorrow.  6 weeks of radiation and Temodar, followed by Temodar for an additional 6 months.  His brain had been mapped, the prescription had been ordered.  The plan was in place.

But plans change.

Just yesterday, Papa decided to forgo radiation and chemo.  The risks involved weighed heavyily – fluid retention, low blood counts, PCP (lung infection), fatigue, nausea, diarrhea…..  And Papa’s pre-existing heart condition and past experience with C. diff only added to these risks.

They told us he has 1 year max without treatment, and, most likely, 2 years max with treatment.  Either way, his quality of life is anyone’s guess.

And so tomorrow we step into the unknown.  Papa resumes life at home – a new life, a different life.  And for now there will be no daily cancer center treatments, no normal protocol to follow.

What does it look like when you’re on your own with treatment, or in this case, without treatment?

We’re honoring Papa’s wishes, we understand where he’s coming from as best we can.  But we’re not throwing in the towel, giving up, burying our heads in the sand.  Life is for the living, so we’ll live, and help Papa live as best he can.  We don’t know what the future will hold, so we’ll take this thing one day at a time, come what may.

It’s a little scary (or a lot), but strangely I feel at peace in this moment.

Tomorrow?  Well, that might be a different story….