Text: (a friend to me)

Praying for your dad all the time.

 

Email: (from me to another friend)

Thanks for your concern about me and my dad.  We had a good chance to talk yesterday.  His speech has regressed a bit (they’re not sure why), but we could still understand the gist of what he was saying.  He’s decided not to do treatment and we’re ok with that.  If treatment brought lots of hope with it about curing him or adding years to his life, then I’d be upset he wasn’t pursuing it, but since treatment doesn’t add a lot of hope, and has significant risks for added complications, I feel at peace with his decision.  Kind of scary not knowing what lies ahead and not following “recommended” protocol for this, but that’s where we have to trust God in working in this in His way.  Definitely still want some control and have already ordered some nutrition books/cookbooks to fight cancer  (might not do any good, but at least helps me feel I’m doing something rather than nothing to help the cause).  Bottom line though, is that he’s in God’s hands, and yes, it’s hard to relinquish control and fully trust him to work how He wills.  One step at a time; I’m sure God will teach all of us a lot through this ordeal.  Very glad to have faith in Him… wouldn’t want to be going solo on this one!

Thanks for your prayers and your friendship.  Praying for [your husband’s] mom too and that whole situation.  Cancer stinks.  Period.  But glad [your husband] has Jesus by his side in dealing with this!  We’ll pray that the miracles will keep rolling in for your family.  God is good!

-Kari

 

My Reflections:

My online research for books about nutrition and alternative cancer treatment takes precedent over a spotless kitchen today.

Case in point:

 

And I end up with an online cart full of titles such as Cancer – Step Outside the Box, The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen, Crazy Sexy Diet, Crazy Sexy Kitchen, and an Anti-Cancer DVD.  Even before that shipment arrives on my doorstep, I’m officially ready to embark on my own course of Fighting Cancer without Drugs 101.

At some point groceries are bought (at a “real-life” store) and are deposited in the war zone (i.e. kitchen).

After dinner,  I watch Crazy Sexy Cancer while attempting to keep Little M content along with putting  said kitchen back in order.

And I marvel at the craziness of it all.  Baby & kids, groceries & meal prep, messes & cancer.

Papa’s cancer.

And me, so desperately clinging to any remaining hope that there is something to make it all better.

Something….

Crazy, Sexy Cancer.

I can’t help but inwardly chuckle thinking how Papa would react to hearing his cancer deemed sexy.  Thinking how crazy he’d think this whole approach is, “normally,” and especially now in his current state.

Regardless, I find it helpful to learn & hear from the perspectives of others.  Somehow it helps to sort out the mess, even if only slightly.

So I’ll continue to listen, and watch, and read, and research.  For as much as it’s worth.