My Reflections:

Today I try to figure out how to get Little M to feed himself….

I get creative with a rolled-up dish towel because my search at the baby store last night for one of those bottle prop-up pillows came up empty (I was looking for something like this).  Guess baby stores don’t want to encourage baby self-feeding.

Dag-nabbit.

I’m not a big proponent of it either, the whole baby-mother-feeding-time-bonding thing makes sense…. I just could use a little extra help these days, you know?

Somehow in the midst of crisis, ideals go out the window.  Instead of 5 sweet bonding snuggly feedings with baby, you opt for 3 or 4 and roll up a towel and prop that bottle up a time or two so you can wash some dishes; or get a load of laundry done.  Because life piles up and life takes unexpected turns.

And speaking of baby feedings, can I just give a little background for what’s brought us here, with Little M and this bottle business?  Let’s just say that nursing has never been an exactly rosy experience (with any of my three sweet babes).  It hasn’t been horrible, but definitely not as wonderful an experience as I’ve heard it touted by so many others.  I’m well aware that scientific studies have proven “Mommy’s milk is best.” I get it and I’ve sought to stick with it as long as my sanity would allow, consulting books, the web, and even a session with a certified lactation consultant.  With J Jr. and C Bear this lasted for their first 6 months before I made the switch to formula for the remainder of their first year.  And even then, I still felt the guilt of giving up nursing.

This time around has had it’s added challenges, though.  With Papa’s condition, life has been much different at this stage with Little M.  Those first couple weeks I dutifully toted my stylish black “briefcase” (i.e. pump) to the hospital: to the surgery, to the ICU, to Papa’s transitional room.  Making use of bathrooms for privacy sake, with dish soap in hand for washing all those crazy pump parts and ice packs and cooler bag for storing that precious liquid gold (my hats go off to the many pumping master moms who carry on this ritual for months on end for whatever circumstances they find themselves in).  I’m lucky that Little M took a bottle like a champ, but with all that was already going on with running to and from the hospital, juggling motherhood and life at home, dealing with the emotions of Papa’s condition…. keeping up with “Mommy’s milk is best” supply was just one more added thing.  And it was just too much.

Something had to give.

And so it did.  I had to let go of my “ideal” and the guilt associated with it and replace the “best” with the “good.”  Being willing to diverge from my 6 month plan and do things differently this time around.  Because it would be okay.  Because Little M would be okay.  Because sometimes I create things to be a much bigger deal than they really need to be.

So I found middle ground that worked best for me and Little M too.  Nursing him first thing in the morning and right before bedtime and giving him formula during the day.  My supply didn’t run out, Little M remained well-fed and healthy, and I let go of the mom-guilt.

And went searching for a self-feeding bottle pillow.

Cause life gets tough sometimes and you do what you can do and let go of the rest.

*Disclaimer:  I totally get that Breast vs. Bottle is a hot-button topic.  I’m not here to judge or picket a cause or even “go there” with touting one over the other.  Just here to give an account for what worked for me in my unique & personal situation.  Happy to say that Little M has turned out just fine and I give a hearty pat on the back for any mom who’s nurturing and loving on her baby no matter what milk option is on the menu.  Because that’s really what’s most important, right?  Cheers and happy feeding!