My Reflections:

The skies are a threatening gray.  Soon the winds blow hard and the rain falls heavy.  There’s a puddle of water on our kitchen table.  Our skylights are leaking.

Just one more thing to add to the list of things I don’t want to deal with right now.

No “one more things” allowed, please.

This morning there’s a Pilates session for the group of Bible study women I’ve been meeting with this summer.  I’ve missed the last couple weeks of study and figure it will be good to get out and have a change of scene.

What was I thinking?

I didn’t really consider that Little M would be with me…. Trying to focus on proper form for Pilates moves with an unhappy baby doesn’t prove to be productive,  much less stress-reducing.  I try to be a good sport though, all the while thinking:

Why am I here?

A kind friend takes pity on me and takes Little M in her arms, holding him the rest of the class so I can focus and participate.

Focus?  

Participate?

As I lay there on the mat mid-hundred or superman or plank, I’m anything but focused.  It’s all I can do not to roll up my mat right then and there and head back home.

What was I thinking coming here in the first place?  

Bad idea.  

I want to cry, not crisscross.  But I stay, and get through it, and am a bit relieved when it’s over and time to get out of there.

Life isn’t normal, and somehow showing up today and trying to pretend that it is just didn’t work for me.  In a strange way, showing up to the hospital is much easier than showing up to a Pilates class.  And right now, that’s so much more where I’d rather be.

 

Nana’s Notes:

Papa awake ~ 5:30 AM – somewhat restless night, but alert & talkative at 5:30ish.  Between talk and gestures I understood most of it – talking about Mark’s [our son’s] surgeries and Papa’s sister’s surgeries.  Then about Mark and his kids and wife; Kari, J, and kids.  

I mentioned to the doctor who came before or about 6:00 AM that I wondered last night about getting Mark here [having him fly across the country].  Papa heard & understood me & said “no” – he’s not dying (motion sleeping & pointing sort of up) & will see his grandkids grow up.

Was in good spirits.  Wanted water to drink – real water from a cup!  He can’t have it because of swallowing problems.

I gave him a swab swish of water, tried another & he didn’t want it – mad because he couldn’t have water (nurse offered him thickened water & he didn’t want it!) & wants to go home -sixth day in hospital.

Watched TV for awhile & then wanted to sleep.